Nat Baca

A schlemiel is somebody who often spills his soup, and a schlimazel is the person it lands on.

Schlemiel - Wikipedia

“A schlemiel, a schlimazel and a schmendrik are irredeemably what they are. A schmuck can be enlightened. He can acquire, through a painful process of self-examination, the moral and social understanding that he has been missing. He can become, to revert to Wex’s dichotomy, a mentsh.”

Etiquette for Schmucks, Schlemiels, Schlimazels and Schmendriks

Last week’s column, a reply to a reader’s query about the Yiddish word mentsh, invoked Michael Wex’s 2009 book, “How To Be a Mentsh (& not a Shmuck).

Chinese proverb of the day — from the 11th century (!!):
三日不讀書，面目可憎

Literally: If you don’t read for three days, you will become unattractive.

If you are not diligent in your studies, you will remain ignorant, and nobody will be attracted to you.

三日不讀書，面目可憎 - Wiktionary, the free dictionary

The full original:
「士大夫三日不讀書，則義理不交於胸中，對鏡便覺面目可憎，向人亦言語乏味。」

If a scholar does not read for three days, righteous principles do not reside in his heart; he will find his own reflection detestable in the mirror and his speech tasteless when speaking to others.

울고 웃고 그러면 똥구멍에 털이나온다.

“If you start laughing in the midst of crying, you will grow hair out of your butt. Small horns will also grow out of your butt. When horns and hair grow out of your butt, it has a bad connotation.”

Tears and Laughter Together Are Bad Luck | USC Digital Folklore Archives

“Overall, the moral of the saying is that you should choose which mood you are in – do not be bipolar or wishy-washy. Literally it is saying that you should either cry or laugh, don’t try to do both. It transcends this literal situation to imply that one shouldn’t desire to do everything in life.“

In other nose-related etymological news, “nostril” = “nose +‎ “thirl”. A “thirl” = “hole”, but also a “smoot”.

A “smoot”, in turn, is either a “small opening built into a dry-stone wall to allow sheep to pass through”, or alternatively 5 feet 7 inches, the exact height of this guy Oliver Smoot.

Smoot - Wikipedia

He’s even got a plaque! And he went on to head both the American National Standards Institute and the International Organization for Standardization!

Oh wow, Wikipedia’s List of Non-Coherent Units of Measurement is a goldmine.

List of non-coherent units of measurement - Wikipedia

The “garn”:
NASA’s unit of measure for symptoms resulting from space adaptation syndrome, the response of the human body to weightlessness in space, named after US Senator Jake Garn, who became exceptionally spacesick during an orbital flight in 1985”

The “crab”:
the intensity of X-rays emitted from the Crab Nebula at a given photon energy up to 30 kiloelectronvolts

Crab (unit) - Wikipedia

The “micromort”:
a one-in-a-million chance of death. Smoking 1.4 cigarettes or driving 230 miles costs roughly one micromort.

Micromort - Wikipedia

“Banana equivalent dose”
The amount of radiation absorbed from eating one banana

Banana equivalent dose - Wikipedia

Oh snap move over “List of Non-Coherent Units of Measurement”, hello “List of humorous units of measurement”

List of humorous units of measurement - Wikipedia

“Ohnosecond”
the second after one makes a terrible mistake, such as deleting the wrong file or sending a text message to the wrong person, where the person in question can do nothing but say “oh no”

“Sheppey”
the closest distance at which sheep remain picturesque (created by Douglas Adams!

“Bruno”
the volume of the dent left in asphalt pavement after a piano is dropped six stories from the roof of MIT’s Baker House. Named for the student who noticed that the rules prohibited throwing objects from windows but not dropping them from the roof.

“Millihelen”
the amount of beauty required to launch one ship. Because Helen had the “face that launched a thousand ships”. A negative helen is sufficient ugliness to beach ships. Very timely with The Odyssey out now.

“Bee’s dick”

An Australian term for a very small distance, as in “he missed crashing into the truck by a bee’s dick”. It is derived from the small size of a male bee’s penis. The entry then links to the page for the actual organ

Drone (bee) - Wikipedia

“Standardized giraffe unit”

The standardized giraffe unit (SGU) is proposed by the European Space Agency’s Near-Earth Object Coordination Centre as a standardized unit for animal size reference. A corgi is 0.05 giraffes, while an elephant is 1.25 giraffes.

The eyes may be the “window of the soul”, but in Spanish the nostril is the “window of the nose”.

Check out the translation for “ventana de la nariz” on SpanishDictionary.com!

Translate millions of words and phrases for free on SpanishDictionary.com, the world’s largest Spanish-English dictionary and translation website.

Announcer’s test

My Nathan For You business idea of the day: Spinning with Sartre: a workout class where, instead of motivational platitudes, a chain-smoking French intellectual explains existentialism over increasingly ominous techno. Hell may be other people, but heaven is better glutes!

See also: Pilates with Plato, Burpees with Borges, deadlifts with Derrida, kettlebells with Kant, Zumba with Zarathustra, CrossFit with Confucius, stepping with Seneca. There’s a market here!

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but Webb Pierce’s 1953 honky-tonk classic “There Stands the Glass” is just Chopin’s Nocturne No. 8 with a steel guitar and a drinking problem.

There Stands The Glass

Webb Pierce · 20th Century Masters: The Millennium Collection: Best Of Webb Pierce · Song · 2001

Inspired by this statue from fb marketplace, a comparative exegetical study of the Noble Eightfold Path and The Ten Crack Commandments - see 🧵

1. Right View ↔ “Never get high on your own supply.”

The Buddha taught that delusion clouds our understanding of reality. Biggie likewise warns against becoming intoxicated by one’s own enterprise. Both traditions begin by insisting that clear perception is essential.

2. Right Intention ↔ “Never let no one know how much dough you hold.”

Buddhism counsels freedom from greed, pride, and attachment. Biggie recommends discretion and humility regarding worldly wealth. Neither master looked kindly on boastfulness.

3. Right Speech ↔ “Never trust nobody.”

Granted, the Buddha emphasized honesty and kindness, whereas Biggie’s vision is somewhat darker. Still, both agree that words matter and that careless conversation can lead to suffering.

4. Right Action ↔ “Never sell no crack where you rest at.”

The Buddha urged his followers to act wisely and avoid bringing harm into their homes and communities. Biggie, in his own idiom, similarly advocates keeping one’s domestic life free from unnecessary chaos.

5. Right Livelihood ↔ … admittedly, a point of divergence.

The Buddha specifically prohibited trades involving weapons, intoxicants, and harmful substances. Biggie’s career advice does not survive peer review by the monastic community.

6. Right Effort ↔ “Keep your family and business completely separated.”

Both traditions recognize that discipline requires boundaries. Enlightenment—and apparently entrepreneurship—demands sustained effort and careful organization.

7. Right Mindfulness ↔ “Never keep no weight on you.”

One should remain aware of one’s circumstances, attachments, and vulnerabilities. Biggie repeatedly emphasizes vigilance and the dangers of complacency.

8. Right Concentration ↔ “If you ain’t gettin’ bagged, stay the fuck from police.”

Meditative concentration requires focus and an awareness of distractions. Biggie’s practical instructions, though directed toward different ends, likewise stress attention to one’s surroundings.

Seen while shopping for dog cargo liners. I guess the Tiger King needs to transport his animals too🤷